Heartbeats

To hear, to feel, to see-the rhythm of life..
So close to me yet revealing in only signs and feelings. Shrouded deep in mystery, making me both terrified and excited. Seeking reassurances in moments of silence.

I asked the outlines of the tall mountains against the dark sky,
The moon that later appeared in its daily rounds..

I asked the river as our bamboo raft made way,
And the birds that swooped to catch their prey..
I stood at the harbor asking the waves,
Even the wild ones that were busy in their play
I asked the swish of the water as I swam,
And the playful spray of the monsoon waterfall 

Did you hear the little heartbeats?

Sometimes I wonder if life is but a feeling. We feel most alive in the momentary flutters and the rush of emotions. Yet life is bigger than just being alive, it is about growing, learning and opening up to new experiences and feelings. To be honest the normal grind of human life follows the same rhythm (getting education, job, marriage, family) yet inevitably we embrace the flow of life because we develop attachments and feelings that we think we are incapable of. To feel vulnerability and great strength at the same time, to feel the little heartbeats in moments of silence..

Fading light

The setting sun can delineate outlines more clearly than the bright mid-day sun. When the dark shadows fills up the rest, one can clearly see the outer limits, the boundaries, and the personality without the distraction of the colors. It is a black silhouette laid bare against the fading orange of the day.

It was just a passing sight, the distant mountain peaks sharpened by the evening light. My eyes were transfixed at the outline for the little time that the moving bus afforded me the panorama. I pass by them every morning and evening on my way to work, but their lofty size and personality was a revelation to me. I was moved by the clarity of the view..

They call it ‘the last light’..
If you look closely, every beautiful sentiment is mirrored in arts, songs, poems, literature in some form already. The real joy is to experience it in its full force in a completely unsuspecting moment. It is a deeply personal experience, yet it qualifies as a shared experience not at a physical level but at a completely ‘ether level’-somewhere in your imagination.

This may be a good time to confess my love for the Readers Digest back in the 80’s. I can honestly say that it has been the reference point for a lot of ‘ether’ moments in my life. Back as a school kid I used to go to the town public library to pick up old Readers Digest editions and devour them under the winter sun. The warm anecdotes with gentle humor, personal stories of courage and fortitude particularly warmed my soul. But embarrassingly what stayed with me is a diary scribbled with quotes I found beautiful. Most of them expressed emotions that I had not personally experienced and wisdom which was much beyond my years but I felt a connection and the words stayed with me.

So once i reached home, i searched for my old tome and found these lines that i had once scribbled in my (once) shapely cursive slant and read them back again.

"By a departing light

We see acuter, quite,
Than by a wick that stays.
There's something in the flight
That clarifies the sight
And decks the rays"-Emily Dickinson.

Its a sense of the ending that makes the beginning and all that from there-so much more meaningful. Going along in the old routine, we get into a kind of acquiescent numbness. We need to be jolted out of our numbness. You must look at things not only as if you were seeing them for the first time but as if you were seeing them for the last time, as if you were never to see them again and had to take them all in and remember them for ever.

I find myself in this state of deep inertia where I hear myself talk about change but I am unable to move a muscle. And when i looked out of the bus window, i saw a metaphor for my own life- a wake up call before darkness. The darkness of my own disappointments.

I just hope to do better and see the light again.

Walk of Life..

It’s the same old pair of shoes; with a slight pick swoosh in the blue body. They have lasted longer than their brethren, been the most accommodating, never biting on the edges, never selectively abusing the right foot, never giving you the urge to peel them away just to let the feet stretch and breathe for a while. They just ‘sit’ perfectly and ‘walk’..

However yesterday was a strange ‘shoe day’, I must have tied my shoe lace almost 10 times in the course of the day. The morning was particularly awful, with a muffled yawn I would bend down to tie the knot only to find it come undone in another short while.
Evening was just the same, I finished one lap of the harbor front and before I could embark on the second lap, the shoe lace had come undone again. With racing breath; feeling the throbbing of the blood against my temples, I bent down to tie the shoe lace again, a little more tightly this time around.

The ‘butterfly effect’ is a beautiful metaphor in the echelons of chaos theory; at least I am a firm believer. Small, seemingly unrelated things sometimes are a pre-cursor of the things to follow. If this theory seems too abstruse, try to look at the daily rhythm of your life, focus on the seemingly unconscious things. You will probably realize that a shoe lace that comes undone every few minutes in the course of a day is not really about the shoe..

Interestingly there is a ‘Walk of Life Project’, a cinematic endeavor to prove the hypothesis that “Walk of Life” by Dire Straits is the perfect song to end any movie.
https://laughingsquid.com/how-the-dire-straits-song-walk-of-life-provides-a-perfect-ending-soundtrack-to-any-film-of-any-genre/

I’ll just use it to end the blog and rest my case...

Happy Birthday!

Some of us are fortunate to have at least one true SOS friend.
And when she turns 30, you are glad that finally she is reaching an age of some wisdom- may be now she'll tell you to do something other than punch guys on their stupid faces.
May be now she'll make better judgement calls when she is talking to your parents about you.
May be now she won't confuse your past-present-future crushes and embarrass you in their very presence.
May be now she'll not ridicule you for the gifts that you pick up for her(voluntarily & involuntarily)..

I would never bet my money or for that matter even my useless 2007 Sony Ericsson Walkman phone on any of the above actually coming true.. Its all a bunch of wishful thinking and nothing more.. She'll never change, least of all because of some bully called turning 30..

But I hear you when you talk about all the unknowns in life. The ideal version of life and how we are still so far away and still so clueless. I don't know why our mind plays this trick on us and we feel this sudden urge to be all wise and grown up one fine day, all I can offer you is:
1. Sing you your birthday song in the most ridiculous tone I can summon(check done!)
2. Dedicate a post to you complete with pictures of you in a silver crown from our golden days(check-done!)
3. Little gyan- If all of life is sorted out, then spice kahan se aayega!

Again Happy Birthday.. :)

Not Lost.

"Not all who wander are lost .."

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

I may not be a fan of the Lord of the Rings(gasp of horror!) but I absolutely love these lines. I like to believe that I am not a lost soul even when I wander apparently lost in both land and in water .
I listen intently to people who have a plan in life, know where they want to go and how they want to go there but I am not sure if I believe them. I appreciate their way of life, wish them well but I choose to take refuge in the above line again.
To each his own!

Thank You!

We usually can never enough complain about how life is a raw deal and we are playing the worst hand ever dealt in the history of humanity. I for one person have few favorite people who get to hear all my whining, and tales of exaggerated woes. Thank you for listening and snapping out once in a while to make the whining stop.

We at times secretly wish for the 'special' halo, like to see a twinkle in the eyes of the other person at our sight. We like to hear a ring of laughter even when our jokes are at best average. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, thank you for spoiling me and making me feel special once in a while!

We sometimes need a false bandage for bleeding bank accounts, consolation for pretty dresses that won't fit, hairstyles that your tiny bit of hair cannot afford. Curse aloud for all the wrong guys that you seem to attract by default. Vent out the not so polite honesty about the most polite smile you flashed in public. Thank you for not judging and patiently sitting through the autopsy of all the bruises and then joke about them later!

We always need people who can keep us you out of the danger of watching crappy movies, eating crappy food and  all the other crappy stuff that can imaginably/unimaginably befall us. People who help us build our list of good books, good movies, good songs, good eating out places. Thank you for all the recommendations so far and keep them coming!

Thank you for walking along side in the rain,
Thank you for a warm conversation on a cold evening,
Thank you for a 'aam-panna' on a hot summer day..
Thank you for all the 'dhano-rides' in the crazy traffic.


Thank you for this life, ever grateful to the wonderful band of family and friends :)

Enjoy this moment...

.......this moment is life

"Life is but a day,

A fragile dew drop on its perilous way

A laughing school boy without grief or care

riding the springy branches of an elm"- John Keats

Taking cue from the above captured picture, I take the liberty to create a modified version of Keats

"Life is but a day,

A fragile rain drop on its perilous way

A cheeky school girl without grief or care

dancing in the first showers of the rain

swirling her umbrella to create the rainbows

splashing the waters on the face of the shy bushes by the roadside

raising her head to talk straight to the clouds above..

Ah.. i miss that conversation

Ah..i miss the rain..

Ah.. i miss you- 'the carefree life'!

Creative Inputs: SRK