I vs. We

'An unabashedly shameless person, that's what he is and I like him for that'
I could just nod my head in agreement. Everything he does is high on histrionics with gimmicks, the usual posing Facebook updates. Its like he has an audience and every time he needs to entertain them, surprise them, shock them. Get people to talk about him.
But he was past that amateur phase, he was plain unabashed. He did what he wanted and lived by the simple credo to try almost everything new under the sun. So he was different from the tribe which lives by the credo to live and act for the audience around.
Some try desperately to impress the audience around, some try desperately to please the audience around, some look for approval and validation. Its almost parasitic how we live for that audience. He had cut himself free from the stifling bonds and with a detached air he lived his life. Love him or loath him, he's impervious. I remember reading, 'its easy to get pity, jealousy on the other hand needs to be earned'. And believe it or not some part of the civil society is jealous of his willful freedom and his scant disregard of the latter.
The character, Howard Roark (Fountainhead) made me actually wonder about the individual and the collective identity of ours. The Indian philosophy of 'ahama brahmasmi' talked about a bigger I, one that encompasses the entire universe. For me the idea of Howard Roark was the antithesis of this belief. The only common ground that I could think was, 'integrity'.
Having that 'self integrity' almost blurs the line between those extreme choices of life. Simply put self integrity is when we are not some sell-outs. We know the motivation about our actions and it aligns with what we truly think and feel. Its not corrupted or influenced by the need of approval by the audience around.
Its a tough place to reach, but when you reach there you can truly shout out. "I am what I am!'.

This small piece is a lame attempt to deconstruct the human psychology. I would really love to read and write something really insightful. Till then its random thoughts like this. Honestly every individual you meet has something unique about him, something unique ticking inside him motivating his every move. Its interesting to observe the behavior, although its difficult to put your finger down on the motivation part. Somehow 'motivation' is a little fickle, it changes for people frequently. Talk of finding a way to live with the idiosyncrasies and fickleness of people, it is a whole new chapter which brings to mind a whole lot of 'ex-room-mates' and some 'current roommates'!

Sum total

With the entire summer to my disposal,
I sat down to do some 'sum total',
Its always good to revise
the little maths you remember to appear wise


I stared at the anomaly that is me
and the anomaly that is you
in the light and 'shades of ray'
And it was clear this math is going to take a while
even without the friendly distractions and the tea breaks..
So with a deep breath I begin the task in hand
And took a sojourn into the years passed behind..


Its a rookie mistake to start at a zero
we start at a coincidental score..
the place, the country, the religion, the color 
the parents, the family 
an inheritance, an identity, a baggage
choose your word carefully my friend
because
it will always add up to who you are..


I like not the above grim math,
so a cheerful childhood reminiscence, should serve me right
every little game that kept you on your toes,
every little joy that gave twinkle to your eyes
every little fight that made you mad,
every little story that lulled you into sleep,
the rhymes, the festivities, the surprise tests,
the road to your home,
the stationers shop, the ice cream parlor
the friendly neighbor, the jealous aunt
each one added a piece to who you are.


The people you love and the ones you fight,
The friends you make and the ones you alienate
The movies you love and the ones you hate.
The songs that run in loops day in and out..
The person you are in the spotlight
and the one you turn into in the darkest hour


I like not the fuzzy math,
so a count of material riches, should quantify things right
the number of fancy dresses in your closet,
the number of new cellphones you've lost
the number of hardbound books,
the number of original CD's & DVD's
and yes the pirated ones as well
the cities you have seen,
the languages and foods you know
all speak of the person you are..


Can someone really do the math?
We trust not any person who nods in affirmation..
There's always more that what meets the eye
yet still, we hope for someone to get this math right..
to know and understand us,
when we cry and when we laugh..


But then all life promises is to somehow balance out in the end
and the sum total will be known only when it is truly the end..

Seeing the truth

Before I could begin to see the truth and type this blog, I browsed over few thoughts and recollections that I jotted down in my diary after reading a book by Hari Kunzru- My Revolutions. I read this book sometime in 2010 but a chance conversation today made me go back to my diary.
These are the words of Rumi, which open the book.

 'I used to have fiery intensity,
and a flowing sweetness
The waters were illusion
The flames, made of snow..
Was I dreaming then?
Am I awake now?'


The book tries to explore how idealism leads to violence and back to indifference. Truly, one complete revolution it is, to start and then finally end at the same spot where you started from. Is it not how a dictionary would define a revolution as? Does that make the idea of a revolution self defeating ?
So the book successfully or unsuccessfully brought me back to the verse i started with. About what lies, illusions, wars men choose to make life seem worthwhile. How day in and day out we fight out for some idealism, for some belief with fierce vitality, who is to know if that fight is truly worth it? Who is to know that one day when we'd be truly weary, we'd realize that there wasn't ever a reason to pick that fight.

Most often we are just there in the rink, taking and returning the punches, deafened by the noise around, maddened by the rush of the moment- so much so that we can hear our own heart beat, feel the blood gushing through the veins, see the nerves swell up against the taut skin. Its the one moment we feel truly alive. But what if for an instance we could actually observe ourselves unattached and unaffected from a distance, i really fear we might just look crazy possessed to our own eyes. We might as well appear fighting and defending a make believe world, just as in a dream.

I thought of our misplaced idealism in personal and social spheres. The fights that we sometimes pick up with our loved ones just for some lofty beliefs we have. How it makes us rigid not to bat our eyelid or accept things a little differently. How we throw fists in the air, say hurtful words and cry martyr. Its one drunken madness that we fail to see or we see way after the damage is all done

I thought of all the causes that men fight for. I talk of the causes that imparts a drunken righteousness to judge everyone around us. I talk of the fights were men lose their heart and humility and having lost that, fight for a higher pedestal and try to shout louder than anyone else.

The truth is each one of us needs a fight, to keep us going through each living day.However most importantly we need the heart to accept, the heart to believe in the goodness around and then to choose the right battles. The battles that we can fight in wakeful humility and blissful sleep..
 However still one can only hope, even so more for the good battles you pick that you don't get disenchanted and walk away even before the victor is announced. I have fought fiercely with all my heart only to realize that I didn't have my heart in it anymore, and so gave into the weariness and futility of the whole exercise. This disenchantment is the biggest fight and I don't know how some people fight it out when some people simply end up confounded.

Perhaps life chooses to play on our minds the same old tricks from its bag to get back at us at times..

Google Google Gander

It took them just 8 seconds to walk across the tree (i have the time stamp on the images as proof)
& it took me 8 hours to remember a nursery rhyme that sounded goosie- geese like! And that too it came back to me only in pieces.
So used my good friend Google, with search term 'gander poems'
I had the poem in front of me..then googled again to understand what it meant.. & then watched it on YouTube..
Then i went even a step ahead, and composed a new rhyme

'Google google gander,
if you want to find her
years after you've forgotten the teacher
nevermind google will be your savior...'

What's in a shape?

Circles are famous in literary circles, social circles and the latest Google circles.
All big cities have a famous landmark square: Times square, Trafalgar square, Red square, Palace square.
So i don't know which of the two transcends the mere boundaries of a simple shape and is more 'famous'!
Seems like Circles abound in the literary or figurative world, and squares exist in our brick and mortar world. They are equally represented in the geometry class much to a students chagrin. And to add to the woes, each comes with a set of nasty cousins, the rectangle, parallelogram, rhombus on one side and the incircle, circumcircle and the sphere on the other. Well some fun things do come in the shape of squares and circles! The board games are primarily square, likewise the fun rides are circles. Then there are half a dozen games that are more fun when you have a large circle of friends!

The circle elevates to a higher plane in philosophical circles. It comes to represent life- the vicious circle of life and death. It comes to define the theory of karma- what goes around comes around. Some gurus/religious leaders can always be found talking about the circle of giving and sharing. The halo, again a close cousin of a circle gets to go around in divine circles. So the circle beats a square hands down in this territory.

However this blog hasn't come a full circle yet! I am yet to comment on the viciousness of circles. The horrible infinite loops that you end up in if you code your FOR-NEXT loops wrong. I still remember how my monochromatic computer screen threw up on me each time i made that mistake. When your GPS intends to torment you, it chooses to make you go round and round in circles. The mind traps are circles again. You keep going around that same circular chain of events, each time you think you have learnt your lesson- there you go, it is as if someone wiped your memory clean and you burn your fingers again.

To conclude in a single 'Line' (pun intended) Circles are horrible!
Lines keep you waiting. Triangles are always a bad place to be in. Pentagon has come to represent military power, Hexagon and all its cousins complicate chemistry. Poor little heart was given a shape that it never was and voila i get to end my blog post with another reference to 'love/ heart' and do justice to the title of 'love-bard' which an expert in shapes & structure & architecture conferred on me!!!!
(I am sure he has a defense already lined up for the lines, the squares, the circles and the triangles i rebuked above :)

We Love

We fall in love when we are young,
when we are the doe-eyed believers
we believe in the magic of fireflies
we make wishes under the shooting stars.
we are just the hopeless believers
for us this love will last forever..

Some loves they see it all
they see the dark clouds,
that thunder in the ominous gale
they cry the warm tears
that the cold rain washes away
and shivering they walk home alone..

Some loves they are but a losing game
and the pursuit brings no reward..
but who is to know
what is in store?


Because,
We love when we our young
We love when we are believers
We love with hope
We love in despair..

City Post Card- Sao Paulo,Brazil

From the city sunbathing, relaxing and basking in all of nature's glory to the world's third largest city boasting of high rises, non-stop traffic, the biggest names and the riches. We were in Sao Paulo and already nostalgic about the beaches in Rio!

I would say its unfair to compare the two cities because they represent two different social, cultural and business dimensions. In all developing countries if you look closely at the cities you can sense their aspiration to grow into the 'Chicago's' and 'Beijing's of the world! And many a times in their pursuit to grow big, they become immensely chaotic. Sao Paulo was big but it looked sublime and beautiful as the roots still looked intact. The occasional regal Portuguese building reminded of the history, the ancient clock towers, the graffiti on the walls conspicuous and uninhibited, the local shops and shopping complex. It wasn't a sold out city copying the west, it held its own.

I would say unless you take a public transport and go around the city by your own, you haven't really experienced the city. By this parameter I'll marginally make the cut, as I took the subway once. Raising the bar higher, I would say unless you get lost and have to ask around to find your way back you haven't really seen the city. Unfortunately I cannot get past this caveat, and so I can make an honest admission that I don't feel I experienced the city to its fullest.

We went around a little in the business circles in Sao Paulo, did the customary visit to the stock exchange(MBA students!), went for a tree planting exercise at IPE (forest-wildlife research center). Had social events every single night of our stay there, which is again a good way to get to know people in an informal setting. So we visited the most fancy bar, and sat there dry mouthed after the first few wows! The last night bar-crawl was crazy fun. Sitting in my hometown nestled in the hills, I would have never imagined myself to walk in that crowd but then there I was. Somehow the idea of enjoying life is slightly restricted in our Indian society when compared to western society. I am sure this statement is bound to raise eyebrows, but you have to experience the intoxication of 'the freedom to do things as you want'- to sing, to dance, to talk, to laugh without caring of any judgement. Its 'another side of happiness'. Temporal happiness is not immoral- there has to be a good vibe to it! 'Good vibe' is essential, trees need that even more than the technical skill of planting- we learnt this lesson while planting trees in the reserve. Nature wired us in such a way that we can unmistakably perceive the good old vibe!

Time for a little detour and from Sao Paulo, we visited the city of Belo Horizonte for our client presentation. It was wonderful to have a dialogue instead of a formal presentation. We were sitting and talking, I absolutely loved the frank openness and the hospitality. The city again had its own flavor, it could transfigure to host the business circles, it had hills and waters to lure the free spirited adventure lovers, it had beautiful old style buildings for history lovers and it was poised to host the biggest sporting extravaganza come 2014!

There was the soccer museum in Sao Paulo, the Havaianas shopping, the Arabica bean coffee, a lot of things that I remember and love about the city. But then its time to move again and as I wheeled along my stroller for baggage check in, a funny thought came to my mind. I thought of the one thing that has been a constant in my life, traveled continents with me and has been with me so far..yes its my black stroller!
Cheers to all the journey's so far and to the journey's ahead :)

City Post Card- Rio,Brazil

A country is like a big canvass with different colors sometimes splashed pompously on the foreground or playing gently in the background. Its an intricate gossamer of people, traditions, food, language, religion, culture. A traveler catches fleetingly the different hues to paint a picture of his own. Or rather in the digital world, aim his camera to shoot the moment and with a satisfied grin admire his 'good shot'- a picture of his own. Each picture is an individual version of images captured, experiences and anecdotes, traditions and customs observed. We humans are masters of generalizations and we try to distill the observations, pick out the similarities and come up with a ‘general perception’, a ‘general character’! Whether these general perceptions reflect the true ‘identity’ in someway is debatable. I bring with me different impressions of Brazil after spending a week there, and here I have my own story of Brazil- the one i saw, i heard, i experienced! Not a general impression of the cities I visited but a personal account of them :)

The strongest impression will have to be Brazil's striking resemblance with India. As we drove in from Rio De Janeiro airport to our Hotel, the sights, the roads, the houses, the small shops, the two wheelers, the 4 wheelers shared a kinship with sights in Indian cities. One of my fellow Indian friends could see striking similarities with Vizag. I haven't been to Vizag, but then I myself was misty eyed when we hovered over the hills of Rio before landing, they reminded me of the hills of my hometown. The city had its own way to establish a familiarity, yet again it had its own distinct flavor. The hotel was just 5 minutes walk from Ipanema beach and as I stepped down from the bus, I flinched at the strong smell of the ocean and fishes. Surprisingly it was just these first five minutes, for the remaining three days that we were in the city, I wasn't conscious of it at all. I had succumbed to the city, the sights, the smell. I wasn't an alien there for long. Food was next on the agenda and I knew this was going to be tough, given my vegetarianism. I had to make my peace with salad and margarita cheese pizza for the rest of the stay. Fortunately there were beans without meat at some places. My non-veggie friends were in for a treat for a week, relishing all the delicacies. I am pretty sure some of my friends back in India would have happily traded places with me for nothing else but to experience the food!

I want to avoid using the word, 'strong' as I have already used it twice in the above paragraph but I am afraid anything else would just sound weak, when I am talking about the 'joie de vivre' of Brazilian people. Right from the hospitality of the person serving your table to the person surf boarding on the rough waters, there is an energy that is hard to miss. You can establish an instant comradeship because you can sense a frank openness and a certain warmth. I feel such a comradeship comes only when there is an underlying feeling of trust and equality. I am afraid i'm contradicting my own rant against 'generalizations' but every country has a perceptible culture of its own. In US i have sensed a culture of professionalism and personal integrity, in Brazil it was a comfortable informality in the society and an energetic vibrancy in people. The people looked so comfortable on the beaches playing, relaxing, swimming, surfboarding. One glance around and you could understand 'comfortable informality' & 'energetic vibrancy', the rough Atlantic waters provide the perfect backdrop to put things into perspective. 

We did the touristy things of visiting the 'Christ the redeemer' and the 'Sugar Loaf mountain'. It was good to feel the green mountains around. They work as charm for me, and feeling them around makes me strong and connected. We visited the Favela's ( slums in Brazil). A city always lives with its contrasts and the Favela's represent the alternative reality of Brazil. Meandering through the narrow lanes of the Favela an Indian and a Pakistani can find a common topic to talk . But then a 'favela' is just an incidental similarity when there is so much else that is common culturally. 

One of the social activity was to visit a very famous bar in Rio, it was a magical world all together. A small place from outside which was huge inside, with three floors filled with people, music, food, drinks,dancing, random bric-a-brak. There was a vibe around which was distinctly 'Rio' relaxed and comfortable soaking in life with all the music and dancing around, & some drunk dancing too! 

The fun things now would take a back seat for a while as we go about the business circles, with presentations and lectures. The business atmosphere in Rio also had the same relaxed informality and we in our business suits stood apart as jarring outsiders. This was a financial services company that we visited and they had their own company songs for morale boosting. The offices were small with people sitting together in close proximity, perhaps that's how things work there people really enjoy working in close company :) (reminded me of certain awkward sitting arrangements back in Deloitte). They had there own team songs as well!!! (again recalling- pyar baat te chalo). This incidentally means that I have experienced certain amount of Brazil in the people around me even before coming to this country :)

I will have to talk about Sao Paulo in the next blog. Its a different city with a different feel to it. For now its-

I love Rio!