The psyche of a goodbye..

First Act:

Some nights are cold for everyone and some nights are cold just for you..

Sometimes the reason is simple, it’s the blanket or the heating in the apartment to blame and you know you can fix it the next day. Sometimes you are left cold and awake all by yourself because you have traded away the known comfort of your life ‘here’ for the unknown adventure of a new life ‘there’.  It’s the fear of losing the comfortable blanket of friends, family, festivities and food behind that makes you break into a cold sweat. Fortunately the pragmatic mind can explain the cold shiver and point out that it is simply because you have packed and shipped away your warm blanket.

Second Act:

The cold night wakes into a slightly numb morning at the sound of the anxious alarm by the bedside. In its numbness the following lines ring true
 

“There is a line from Verlaine I’ll never now recall..

There is a street nearby from which my foot steps are barred..

There is a mirror that has looked its last on my face..

There is a door I have closed for the final time..

Among the books in my library (I can see them now- Managerial Economics, Marketing principles-Kotler)

There are some I will never open again..” -Jorge Luis Borges

Third Act:

With a gentle lurch the plane wheels begin to glide on the runway. The pilot maneuvers a gentle turn towards the blinking lights of the runway and the plane passes by the signal man in his fluorescent vest. The flight attendants repeat the usual safety instructions. To an outside eye, it is the perfect slow lingering frame with the pacing hum of the engine slowly building up; the prelude before the bellowing engine hits full throttle and the flat expanse of the ground begins to race by. Then in one pregnant moment the wheels lose contact with the tarmac, fold back in and the plane becomes air bound. I believe this is one moment that defines ‘losing touch’ and ‘leaving behind’ physically. From this vantage point my mind was looking inwardly at all the ‘leaving behinds’-the glances, the words and the warmth of the last hug. This recollection was vividly overpowering and I knew not when it lulled me back into a peaceful sleep..

Fourth Act:

I am in a new place, among new people but I am not alone. An old familiar face from a time I thought I had left behind surfaced back again. So I am sitting in my new apartment, looking at the rain fall against the windows sipping my cup of green tea and hoping that life may keep taking me to places as long as it gives me a chance to reconnect with people I once left behind..

My Precious!

I am not yet a big fan of the Lord of the Rings, but this exclamation rolls off my tongue almost too easily!

And this post is about the Precious 2 years in the MBA program, coincidentally the person who interviewed me for admission was a guy named Brian Precious and doesn't the dew drop on the leaf look Precious?
(In my head it all started with spotting the dew drops and the rest followed..)

I keep asking myself and the people around me about the significance of the last two years. It is a lot of change to leave behind the life you know and learn the ways of a new life and culture. Some people try hard to  forget the old ways as they embrace their new life and some people just try to superimpose the old ways in the new setup. Everyone tries to find a hold in their own way, consciously or unconsciously.

If I had to summarize these 2 years without rambling too much I'd say I love the freedom and hate the loneliness of living a life where family and friends are just too far.
You will get all the different types of food, but none of the places will be authentic enough for the natives but nonetheless everyone tries to find a little kitchen that reminds him of home.
I loved the academic system and realized soon that i wasn't the best at all the time management and rubric based grading. I took to the rest of the system fairly easily and it felt comfortable.
This country has a system and things get done in a certain way, so you better follow that one way, because there is no other way!

That's the story of the precious two years of an outsider. Its just like a dew drop trying to find a little place under the sun.

A week of Music

Music followed me or conversely I followed music but in the end all I can say is that it was a week full of music.
Perhaps this week was a saving grace for the month of April, for I had waited long enough for something to come along that I could blog about. I am writing this blog in the midst of a loud Mandarin conversation in my apartment, and even with my most conscientious effort to continue with my writing, I cannot string together a proper sentence-so much for the optimism to find music in a loud Chinese conversation.
Ahh..the sweet sound of silence, music to my ears!

The week started with a trip to Memphis, the city which traces its musical roots in a combination of country, blues, jazz, and rock and roll. The Memphis airport flaunts this musical history, but I was unaffected. I was more occupied to find the booth of the yellow checkered taxi which would take me to my hotel. It was at the hotel lobby waiting for the escalator that I clearly heard the strains of a familiar song from the good old days of rock and roll. I am cursing myself for not remembering the songs, but every-time I took the escalator I would smile inwardly at the song playing.
Monday evening, when I was finally done with my long interview process, my friend took me out to explore the city. From this point on-wards, I can assure that I have a better recollection of the songs that surfaced through the week! It was 'Purple Rain' and 'All Summer Long' as a live band performed on the Beale Street.
Beale Street is a significant location in the city's history, as well as in the history of the blues. It runs from the Mississippi River to East Street, a distance of approximately 2.9 km. and is lined with blues clubs and restaurants. During the first weekend of May (sometimes including late April), the Beale Street Music Festival brings major music acts from a variety of musical genres, the festival is the kickoff event of a month of festivities citywide known as Memphis in May.(source Wikipedia)

It was a street where all days of the week came to experience a Sunday and people just played along holidaying, singing, dancing eating and drinking with no cares for tomorrow! But the years rang loud and clear in the voice of this old shriveled man who was performing for the crowd. The street had seen it all, his act over the years, people swaying in the rises and ebbs of his voice, cheering as if in a spell when nothing else matters but music..

Driving back along the Nashville highway, my friend played her CD of country music and we were humming along Johnny Cash as he 'Walked the line',  talked of a 'Boy named Sue', felt the 'Hurt' of 'Folsom prison blues'. The next best thing after music will have to be food, and even mediocre Indian food in a foreign land with Jagjit Singh playing can be a treat. The day ended in the strains of her collection of Hindi songs and a bottle of wine. Good times!

Next day I flew back to Chicago, and music found me again or i found it -a bright blue guitar at the train station. Two guys headed to New Orleans started singing South American songs(Spanish/Portuguese, i wouldn't know), the music was sure making people tap their feet and occasionally break into impromptu dance faces! The next moment an Amish traveler joined the ranks of the travelling vagabonds and while his wife sheepishly smiled at him, he sang 'Joy to the world, the Lord is come'.
Well the train did come, and it was called 'City of New Orleans', so no surprise if they play the song 'City of New Orleans' as passengers board the train.

All these musical adventures span Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday night S calls up to ask if i would like to go for Bob Dylan concert the next day. Hell yes! I bought the tickets for Bob Dylan concert on Wednesday and Thursday was again musical with Mr. D performing.
The crowd had a generous mix of 40 year old, undergrads and we-the middle ground. S clearly shares no love for the middle ground, always ready to jump boat onto the younger side-but only if he could!
A new band named Dawes opened the show for Dylan, it was a decent band- 'A little bit of everything'

Then the legend took to the stage, and the next two hours it was him performing live!
He is undoubtedly the most influential person in the musical scene. There is so much already written about him, his life, his musical style that I have no fresh insights to offer. Sitting in the auditorium hearing him perform, it felt like a story telling session where some wise old man, who has seen life up close and personal (The more I die the more I live) was just talking about it in beautiful verses, deep voice and occasionally taking the help of the mouth organ that he picked up sometime in his youth.
'Tangled in blue', 'All along the watchtower', 'What good am I', 'Summer days' ..

On a personal note, the week ended with the sweet sound of success, and now I will have to wait and watch where this music takes me from here..

Snow Conversations

And the snowy conversations continue unto spring.
Take a seat, we are not done yet..
I can see what you are doing there..
Within all the soft, white, beauty of today
There is the cold, frozen silence for tomorrow...
But for all my wisdom,
I still sit down and listen, for the snow knows how to converse.
I still sit down and listen, for the snow knows how to soothe.
I sit down and listen to the snowy story...

And the silence of the snow continues unto spring..
Look afar, we are not done yet..
I can see what you are doing there..
Within the vast expanse of the frozen silence today
There is a promise of spring for tomorrow..
But for all my wisdom,
I still stand in disbelief, for the snow knows how to conceal..
I still stand in disbelief, for the snow knows how to subdue..
I stand and gaze at the snowy spectacle..

photo credit: roadstar

Miracles

"No, not a miracle in days.."
A groundhog just walked out and predicted an early spring
A leprechaun just turned the Chicago river Green.
"Is this the best you've got
Where can I find a better soothsayer?"
I bet there is one just around the corner
"Ha.. I guess I'll buy that.."

"No, not an answer in days.."
Do you remember why you came this far?
Do you know how far you still want to go?
"Is this the best you can do-pose more questions
Where can I find the answers?"
I bet everyone else is also still searching
"Is this the best you've got
Where can I find a better soothsayer?"
I bet there is one just around the corner

"I am scared I'll just run into myself when I turn around the corner! 
The eternal optimists that we  are, we'll always have a version of us watching out for us just around the corner, telling us: 
This too Shall Pass..

After-all when have non-believers ever seen miracles?"

Photo Credit: Ananz

Taj-Stealing glances!

Everytime I will look at these pictures I will be reminded of how Taj trumped over college friendship! The plan was to meet the photographer before I left for States and instead she went to Agra. 

Moving beyond petty college fights.. and in the spirit of V-day..

Everytime I will look at these pictures, I will appreciate how looking from the sidelines or shadows adds a sense of mystery. And sometimes this mystery is more beautiful!

This one is for all the people you have admired from the sidelines secretly..  stole glances when no one was watching and smiling went about life!

Photo credits: sr

Caught in action..ooops

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. 

Photo credit:sr

A song & Three pictures & snow

I opened my window to a snowy morning.. and I don't know how I started singing this song 'lakdi ki kathi..kathi ka ghoda.. stuck somewhere in the snow...'

I still think of the snow covered fruit orchards with bright colored birds hopping around and kids running down the terraced hill slope to mark their territory with footprints on the virgin snow. And supposedly these three pictures say:

 'sabzi mandi main barf padi thi.. bacho ko lag gayi thandi..'.  

I only changed the ghoda to bacha.. since I had no picture of one.

I am still smiling inwardly at the imagery of the song while sipping my mug of coffee by the window gazing at the snow outside and thinking of the blissful time :)