When we judge ourselves using our anecdotal memory, it is a tricky business. It’s a biased jury looking at self-serving evidence, yet there are some moments of emotional honesty that can sneak past the defense.
I have character flaws that I quietly suspect and acknowledge, and I often hark back to seek validation or refutation from past memories. I am not sure that we are objectively capable of this endeavor-to summon untainted evidence from our repertoire and have a fair trial. At some level, I am aware that it is a futile business to psychoanalysis our actions and intentions in hindsight, perhaps even a risk of triggering a self-feeding loop which can effectively shield us from seeing the truth.
Yet I trust the ugly verdict with a healthy dose of distrust for the evidence.
May be it is just a coping mechanism, to move past the past while learning the ugly in me or it is just living in partial denial, I try not to go there.. We all have our blindside.
I have character flaws that I quietly suspect and acknowledge, and I often hark back to seek validation or refutation from past memories. I am not sure that we are objectively capable of this endeavor-to summon untainted evidence from our repertoire and have a fair trial. At some level, I am aware that it is a futile business to psychoanalysis our actions and intentions in hindsight, perhaps even a risk of triggering a self-feeding loop which can effectively shield us from seeing the truth.
Yet I trust the ugly verdict with a healthy dose of distrust for the evidence.
May be it is just a coping mechanism, to move past the past while learning the ugly in me or it is just living in partial denial, I try not to go there.. We all have our blindside.
