The Question

I tried to put on a ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ hat as I tried to delve into this question, which always elicits a different response from both sexes.
I have always asked a question for curiosity sake from all my friends who are contemplating proposing or getting engaged or tying the knot in near future. I mean anyone 'in the process of', ie the stage that is beyond the safe single pad but not quite there, something like the 'no-man's land.'
Well to be honest there are quite a many questions that I can ask such a person. But then again I can recall many a college hostel nights that turned into wee hours of the mornings, debating and deliberating on many of these questions. And I might as well use a little high school Shakespeare to sum up these conversations:

“Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff: you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have them, they are not worth the search.”

So when it comes to this question, we are all pretty much Gratianos. Now some folks may get indignant at being referred to as Gratiano, but that's not even the point, it’s the missing ‘two grains of wheat’ even after the whole discourse.

So I just pose one standard question. The response I almost always know, but I still do the ritual just for the sake of collecting enough evidence before posting this blog. And apparently that day has come finally!
So moving on to the question:
'Madame/Monsieur: How do you feel about your life changing decision-Confident/Confused?'
I will have to admit that I manipulate conversation/people to get one of the C-words out or try to gather enough evidence in favor of either one of the two words.

Well whatever it is, this question inevitably evokes the same-different response from men and women!
Same as in the answer is the same always and different because the answer is always different for men and women(I just wanted to make the statement more obvious because sometimes my sentence construction gets totally misconstrued and the wittiness gets downright obscured. Well some people might even try to contend the wittiness part but then I am running the jury here so-'Objection Over-Ruled'!)

So here are my survey results- men always seem to be 'Confident' and most women confess to being 'Confused' ( a little/ totally, somewhat) with a very small fraction wriggling into the Confident zone. So before I propose my theory a disclaimer:

There is nothing like absolute truth so there might be exceptions, I accept cultural, socioeconomic and even political anomalies.
Then again my sample set may be biased because I am talking about people I know and not downright strangers.
There might be resemblance to people I know and who have had this conversation with me, but I have tried my utmost to conceal identities.
I detest all gender biases and stereotypes but regardless I believe I have a point to make.

With close female friends I always know when I broach this topic, I am in for one long conversation full of stories, anecdotes, assurances, reassurances, novels, movies...
The arranged marriage conversation starts with a confession of being ‘totally confused’. Slowly it banks towards feeling slightly more ‘confident’ about ‘this person’ than all the others paraded.
The ‘love’ or ‘self-arranged’ conversation starts with a confession of being ‘totally confused’ about doing the right thing. There are fears of throwing in the towel too early or throwing the baby out with the bathwater. (‘the baby’ being the friendship along with the freedom-‘the bathwater’). Usually here the conversation can bank either ways- a reassured happy ‘the end’ or a contagiously confused ‘hmmm’ on both sides of the line/chat/booth.

So here is the first observation, most women (guilty for generalization) can talk an awful lot deal. The ‘confused’ response gives them the perfect alibi to speak a great deal. So because women can speak a lot they come up with the ‘confused’ response.
Speaking again in some/most cases is related to thinking; those who over think always have something to say. Most women (guilty for generalization again) over think even the smallest details of their lives. So again the hyper active brain cells align towards the ‘confused’ response as they try to foresee different scenarios.

I have created the perfect stereotype: women talk a lot and think a lot and therefore respond as ‘confused’ to the above question. Again exceptions exist but some people like yours truly can be charged as guilty on both the above counts.

Coming to most men I know, they like to sound as the most confident people at least pre-game. They will tell you that ‘she’ is undoubtedly the one and quickly dart off to the next topic of discussion. Talking is not their strongest suit in most cases and the quicker they can wrap up a sticky conversation without much dissection the better. It is somehow this urge to strut as the stronger, confident person that explains the choice of response.
The decision-making process takes an entire 180-degree turn between men & women. Men predominantly play the pursuers and in most cases look(think) before you leap is an alien concept when faced with a moving(moody/mysterious/unpredictable/confusing) target! The reflection, contemplation, thinking, confusion comes later when the act is done.

I have created the perfect stereotype: men try to escape conversations and their mantra is to act before thinking and therefore they respond as ‘confident’ to the above question. Again exceptions exist but most men can be charged on guilty on both the above counts.

The bottom line: you can trust neither men nor women when it comes to this question. Psychologically, genetically socially each is more inclined to react in a particular manner but honestly no one really knows the answer to this question. At least not one that can be accurately put across in words, so the apparent myth-‘it just feels right’!

What a long wordy post.. when I could just go and post the following song. I am confident of at least one person who is never coming near this long post-my brother!

Any further insights, arguments, comments are always welcome to develop the theory better..